8/29/2004 » Cool

The debate voyeur in me swoons at coming across a NYT wedding announcement of two former debaters getting yoked (via Ennis). The attraction? That she could whup his ass on foreign policy. That they could re-enact Speechless and Election and Bill and Hillary and oh, throw in some Matalin and Carville while we’re at it.

They had one face-to-face debate, on America's China policy, and she won hands down. Their passion for the spoken word drew them to each other, Ms. Zak said.

They lived in different states, so what brought them together again? He needed to raise a thousand bucks to fly out for her senior prom. So he entered a debate tournament and won the ransom, just like in Dodgeball. Probably fleeced some old Rotarian gents. I can’t make this stuff up.

And to top it off, they met over a long, hot summer which they allegedly spent ‘cutting cards in the library’ :) It was at the Northwestern debate institute!

Now both 26, they met in Chicago, at a summer debate program at Northwestern University. Both were about to enter their senior year of high school... and both were officers of their school debate team.

The bride won a Fulbright. Debaterly, check. Let me guess: student body president, maybe interned in Washington?

"Hi there!" says Zak, the newly elected president of the UI Student Government... As an intern working for the State Department in 1998, Zak organized an international conference...

And the groom went to Bronx Sci and Brown. Maybe he’s of Jewish parentage, maybe he has a suitably debaterish name? Seth. Ah, yes. Seth. It speaks to me. It says intelligence. It says smoothness. It says octofinals. Maybe a future politician?

He became committed to public service while serving as a page for Rep. Charles B. Rangel in 1994-95. Last year, Andrew ran for R.I. state representative...

So they’re the uber-debater couple. But they’re geeks, right? Seduction by spreading briefs, long hours burying noses in Foreign Affairs. Their watershed moment couldn’t be the least bit romantic...

"A thunderstorm came up, and we were playing in the rain. We wandered up the street to the main green at Brown at 3 a.m., and the sprinklers, which were on a timer, came on in spite of the downpour, so we were getting soaked from above and below. We both burst out laughing, and she said `Why aren't you in love with me?' and I said...

(wait for it...)

`What makes you think I'm not?' "

Love delivered backhand. That, my friend, won you some major speaker points.

Congratulations, you two. You took your time, you knew speed kills. You saw significant harm in the counterplan. You didn’t believe in severability. Your resolution was defended. The advantages outweighed the disads, affirmative beat negative, your plan found solvency, you stayed on topic. There’s no other way I can say it: you won.

Mazel tov, I say, mazel tov. May you never need a funding plank. May your cases never result in cow flatulence or nuclear war without a couple of well-hidden turns. May we see freakishly smart, pen-twirling li’l offspring in the breaks.

Oh, and keep ’em away from debate institute. The library is lovely, dark and deep. You never know what delicious things may transpire between political pages.